Holy Moly

Well...

I've moved from my teaching position at East... now I'm teaching at AC Reynolds High and I think I'm still in shock.  It's the end of the fall semester and I'm still in shock.  The program is MUCH bigger, the administration is completely different and the expectations are overwhelming.  I've gotten through two major concerts, three or four public outreach performances and final exams.  Now I'm looking at festivals, two more rather large concerts and the spring musical... and then, of course, there is graduation and all tat jazz.  I'm exhausted, but it's nice to get to teach such advanced music.

I miss my kids at East.

I've had another evening of remembering people and places and I'm feeling things I haven't felt in a while.  I hate it when this happens.  It hasn't happened in quite a while, so I'm wondering now how long it will last.  I hope not long.  I hope I can find a distraction.  This is the time I wonder what exactly is wrong with me and reexamine all the things I hate about myself and try to figure out which thing (f not all of them) is the cause of my single-hood.  I don't actually mind begin single... I can tend to be rather selfish at times and I don't know exactly what I would do if I were tied down to someone else' schedule, opinion and life.  I have very recently been in touch with someone I have loved for a long time - nothing romantic, just a kindred spirit and someone with whom I have been very close for a long time - and they are not the person I have known and loved because if the relationship that has enveloped them.  Suddenly there is no joy or laughter coming from this friend and they have become the very kind of person we use to hate being around; bitter, angry and self-important.  Is that what happens in relationships?  Do we become unrecognizable to our friends and family?

I'm exhausted and need to rest.  I'm about to enjoy some lasagna and am watching "Keeping Up Appearances" so the evening should be nice... if I can distract myself enough from the memories.