Change

Change is happening and things are moving... both literally and figuratively.  So much to do and so little time.

Last Day

It's the last day of school and I have received a little bit more bad news amidst having to say goodbye to the seniors in my program.  That means that the ulcers I have in my mouth as a result of this very stressful week will not be going away any time soon.  In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if they got worse.

  These are my seniors - a complete ensemble within themselves

We had the senior award ceremony this morning during first and second periods and of course, I had to be the first to present my awards.  I stood up at the podium and was just fine.  I began to speak about how difficult it is to get to know these kids for four years just to let them go.  I was still fine.  Then I looked down at the little script I had sketched out for myself so as to not forget anything important, saw the name of the first senior I was going to present an honor cord to and suddenly couldn't see or speak.  I had to wait for what felt like an eternity for the lump in my throat to shrink enough to allow proper phonation.  I squeaked out the first little bit and sounded very much like a kid whose voice was right in the middle of the worst part of a voice change.  Finally, by way of making fun of myself, I got a giggle from the audience and had a little chuckle myself and was able to finish.  The next kid was the worst - I squeaked, squinted and wiped my face the entire time I was trying to read.  After cracking another joke about my obvious instability, it was a little easier to get through the next award.  Then came the final two and I was great until the very end when I said that one of them was the smartest kid I have ever known, and the word "known" went up in what sounded like air being slowly pinched out of a balloon by an obnoxious kid at a birthday party.  Tears immediately poured down my face - just like they are now - and I had to try and squeak out the title of the awards and the names to which they were being presented.  It's unfair to make creative people have to stand up and do what we did this morning.  We are simply too emotional.  I dread graduation tonight.

My world is kind of in a whirlwind of change right now.  The possibilities of really big changes are looking overhead and it's uncomfortable and scary.  I honestly feel like these seniors who are packing up their lives and going to college.  I may be saying goodbye to more than just my seniors and if I have to say the goodbye I don't want to say, I'm afraid of how it will effect me.  It would definitely be a lot more difficult to come to school every day.

I just want some peace and quiet.  I don't want to be busy.  I don't want to have any deadlines.  I don't want to worry anymore.  I don't want to say goodbye to any more friends.  Peace and quiet.

To my seniors - I will miss you and I love you all like you're my own kids.

To my colleague and friend - I hope this is not goodbye.  Not yet.

To God - do I get a break now?

Why is it...

that when you think things are going better and looking up, you are slapped in the face with the reality that nothing has changed?  I'm broke - I can't afford the general cost of living because I am in one of the few professions in which you work and work and work and get NO pay raise.  I'm being paid as a beginning teacher and this is the end of four and a half years.  That means I can't even afford to start repaying the loans I had to take out to get the eduction that I was told was going to help me have a good career and make decent money.  On top of that, at school, I am constantly reminded that for the most part my students will never rise above being common, trashy, lazy and stupid because they are not expected to by anyone other than me.  They don't have to show up to school because all of their absences are just forgiven like wiping a marker board clean.  We are not even allowed to count them tardy in the attendance book.  They don't have to pass tests or make good grades because in the case of more than one senior who has taken my music appreciation class and failed horribly, grades were changed without my say so they could walk.  I guess if we don't prepare them , we need to just push them out and get them out of our hair... so they can start cooking the food we eat out or any number of menial services we will eventually have to rely on. 

This awful realization has always been there in the back of my mind, but it was brought right back to the front last night.  We had an underclassmen awards ceremony last night.  My advanced group was asked to sing the Alma Mater and the National Anthem, so we met early to rehearse before the ceremony began.  Three of my ADVANCED STUDENTS showed up with some of their uniforms missing.  They laughed because they thought it was funny.  I, in turn, made everyone take off what those three were missing.  They didn't like that so they stopped giggling.  They then began to complain that we were going to actually be holding them accountable for their trashy behavior at graduation and did nothing but turn into trailer trash before my very eyes.  After the ceremony was finished, I walked into my room to realize that those stupid kids had left an ungodly mess and even left a carton of milk just sitting on my table.  WHO DOES THAT?!

So, on to the ceremony itself.  A lot of teachers don't even give awards to underclassmen, but I did.  I wanted to recognize the achievement of three students who have seemingly come a long way for me this semester.  I get up, begin to say wonderful things about a sophomore and why it was I selected her to receive this award, and when I say her name to come to the stage, she isn't there.  Didn't even bother to come.  So, I shrug and move on to the next.  I had even more glowing and wonderful things to say about this student (who otherwise has the reputation of being a complete loser that neither her peers nor most of her teachers respect very much) and when I said her name, there were crickets.  She also didn't come to the ceremony.  So, I had to move on to the third student.  I talked about how great she was and how much she has done for the program (and she had actually just sang on stage with my advanced group at the beginning of the evening) and when I called her name... SHE WASN'T THERE.  I'm so sick of kids who are so unmotivated and so self involved that they can't even show up to a formal event to receive recognition in a positive light for once.  I will not be giving out any more awards.

Of course after that, lots of other stupid little things kept happening to just add to the problem and I'm in quite a state this morning.  I don't want to be here.  I don't want to be around these stupid kids anymore.  I don't want to see my "colleagues."  I want to start over and I don't get to.

I hope none of these kids come to school tomorrow.  I would love to spend my last day in peace.

Questions

It seems I'm reminded more and more every day that I want to leave where I am.

Why is it that we are required to accommodate people who are lazy, ungrateful and selfish?

Why does public education suck so much?

What ever happened to talent?

Why do parents seem to not hold their children accountable for anything anymore?

Why do we medicate instead of discipline?

Why is the cost of living rising, but pay getting lower?

These are just a few of the questions swimming around under my hairdo.

Something weird

I don't know if it's just that I didn't grow up in a high school environment like the one in which I currently work, or if these kids really are this lame, but there are former students constantly just showing up to visit and/or help teach classes.  There are two former dance students that show up - one is here nearly every day and graduated at least five years ago, because he wasn't a student here when I began teaching.  There is a former orchestra student leading a sectional in the hallway in front of my office door right now.  There are CONSTANTLY former band students showing up, but more so when we are in marching band season.  They come, walk around on the practice field and shout at current students comparing them to the "glory days" and how band "use to be."  I find it irritating.  Well, I find it more than irritating, but I don't know what word to use that isn't melodramatic.

I have had a former student or two show up to my class, but they usually only come once or twice and then they stop and I believe it's because they don't know the current students, the current students don't know them (and quite frankly don't care to know them) and thereis nothing for them to do while I'm teaching.

There is such an unhealthy stigma about what life after high school is supposed to be here in Hendersonville that I don't encourage students to come back for a visit.  These kids are too unmotivated to actually leave when they graduate from high school and they are forever stuck in the mindset that everyone here at East will always remember them and all they accomplished while they were here... even the ones who didn't accomplish much.  I always encourage my students to go as far away as they can to study.  Of course, I'm usually just trying to convince them that college actually is a good idea.

I can't stand how unmotivated, entitled and apathetic the students are here at East.  They are not not held responsible for anything, they get away with murder, they talk back to faculty, they don't study, they cheat on tests, they vandalize the campus, they encourage each other in the use of chewing tobacco because being a "rebel" is considered  and all of this happens only when they decide to actually come to school.  My advice for anyone with children or anyone thinking about starting a family to think more about private school.  The public school system is crap. 

I'm so tired of being here, I'm tired of being at this school and of being in the south where everyone is slow and aggressively ignorant.  I'm tired of being embarrassed by the people around me and feeling like I need to constantly explain that we aren't all like that.  What am I doing here and how the hell did I ever grow up in this environment?  Sometimes I honestly feel like I'm being punished.

I admit it...

I know I'm am a complete and total nerd, but I am super excited...

I've been sorted into Slytherin House!

We are pleased.

Explanation, please.

So, all I keep hearing on the news is how many high school and middle school students are bringing guns to school, shooting and killing other students, having huge fights on buses and all sorts of other horrifying things that make me fear for my life.  Then I began to wonder if any of this was being reflected in academics, so I put in a few more grades this morning to get things up to date, and here are the results (for a chorus class, mind you... chorus, wherein all you have to do is show up and sing a little):

In my first period alone, the grades break down as follows -
A - 2 students
B - 4 students
C - 9 students
D - 4 students
F - 12 students

I fear for my life because I babysit idiots.  Idiots.  Congratulations, parents - your kids are failing CHORUS!

Monday

I'm still trying to be as positive as I can be.

I had a conversation this morning with the student who failed to show up to a performance last week and she had no clue why I was upset or why she was in trouble.  I explained it to her twice, and she still had no idea.  In fact, before I dismissed her from my office altogether, she looked at me and said "I'm sorry I want to graduate."  At least she saved me the agony of trying to decide whether or not to still give her an honor cord when she graduates this spring.  She made that decision really easy.

I'm trying to get my kids ready for two events coming up very quickly: All-County Chorus and our first adjudicated contest at Brevard College.  I'm worried.  We are singing Sicut Cervus (the old, standard by Palestrina) and Sing Praises (another traditional work by Pfautsch).  I'm not as worried about the modern piece as I am the Renaissance selection.  I feel like I'm trying to teach monkeys how to sing in polyphony most days and it's really discouraging.  I talk a big talk when it comes to the high school choral programs here in WNC, and this will be the first time my kids perform in front of these other schools, so we can't suck.  Period.  I own the fact that my motives for being great at this contest are selfish, but I want to prove a point and that point is that choral music is just as alive in Henderson County as it is in Buncombe County or any other neighboring county for that matter.  I want my small program to step on stage and sparkle the whole time and I want a plaque that reads "Superior" on it.  I just hope I can get these kids singing Palestrina backwards, forwards, sideways, up, down and with their eyes closed so that the clinicians don't have much to say.

I also want my kids to be more prepared for All-County than the other schools that will be present.  Really it's only us and North Henderson High with one kid from Hendersonville High and one from West Henderson High... and I think one kids who is home-schooled.  There just isn't enough time to cover all the music I have to cover over the next couple of weeks and I'm struggling trying to figure out how to manage it.

I'm not sure why, but I have one play list in iTunes that takes longer every time I try to burn it to disc.  I've created a listening guide for my Music Appreciation  students so they have something to take home and study, and I've discovered this strange occurrence the last few times I've made CDs.  There are two play lists, therefore there are two CDs for each student and the first list burns just fine.  Bu the second has increased it's burn time by a couple if minutes each go.  iTunes.  Ridiculous.

I'm tired and a little shakey.  I had a cup of coffee for breakfast and a snadwich for lunch, and that's it. 

Now, off to create a rubric for grading my music appreciation students' power point projects.

Positivity

Why is it so difficult to be positive?  Conversely, why is it so easy to be negative?  I am trying to be more positive and for several reasons, but mostly because I think that it will make life more tolerable.

Between yesterday and today I have been faced with some rather discouraging events and I'm desperately trying to find good in it.  Last night a few of my students were supposed to perform on an arts gala helping support the eradication of Polio by way of the Rotary Club.  There were two duets scheduled and one ensemble number and the kids were all aware of the date, time and my rules regarding performance attendance (we are, after all, a performance based elective).  One of my advanced students, who had the biggest solo in the one ensemble number decided not to show up and I was made aware of her absence ten minutes before we sang by another student.  So, I had to ask a kid who0 is not longer even in my program to cover the solo, and she screwed it up.  I'm not angry about the mistake in the performance, because let's face it, a teenager who is willing to learn a solo ten minutes before a performance to cover someone else's ass is a pretty good kid in my book.  Today I was ready to speak with the missing performer and had even calmed down and was going to be reasonable with her, but she was not at school.  Then, second period happened.

My students in second period informed me that the missing performer had lied about her excuse for not showing up and the proof was all the photos she loaded onto facebook of her and her boyfriend on the night in question.  Reason is now gone and I've been trying to figure out how to handle the situation without losing my job.  By the way, did I mention that she is enrolled in my honors section?  Then, to make matters worse, I had two more students who owed me a make-up test on some music they failed to pass last week.  Only one of them showed up and guess what?  She still didn't know the music.  After she pretended to sing for the class (meaning she mumbled under her breath while I played the piano accompaniment), I asked her to follow me to my office.  I had explained to her and the other kid who didn't come to class that this test would determine who participated in festivals this year and that they had better be prepared.  I asked her to explain why she still didn't know the music and her response was that she did know the music, she just needed another student to sing with her so she could get it right.  That's when I explained that I wasn't interested in students who can't sing for themselves and that I could not take her to contest simply because I can't trust her to learn the music.  She said nothing.  I think she thinks I'm kidding.  The other kid will be tested on Monday and since he will have had three more days than I allotted, my standards will have risen.  I will be more than pissed if I have to cut him because he is one of only three tenors.  But, I suppose the lesson must be taught.

I've also had a few students come to me today and ask if they could have another shot at finishing an assignment from last week.  You see, midterm reports went home yesterday and I only had about nine students out of 53 go home with an A.  There may have been a B or two and the rest were Ds and Fs.  Apparently, chorus is "real hard."  The reason their grades suck is because they were unable to finish a word search with a sub while I was at honor choir.  A WORD SEARCH.  So, I guess their parents were pissed and have told them to get their rear-ends in gear.  I hope so anyway.  One parent was mad at me... until I called her and told her what was going on with her kid.  Anyway, all this to say that I nearly laughed at the kids who said "can I do that word search again?"  I explained that one shot was all they got and compared their inability to find words to that of a second grader.

I also got a random text from my sister with a short statement: family photos in Asheville on Saturday at 3:30.  Was I ever consulted about scheduling a family photo session? Nope.  Do I have the money to pay for gas to travel for an hour for said photos?  Only if nine dollars can fill my tank.  Do I plan on attending a photo session on Saturday?  Not really, no.

I'm glad it's Friday and I'm glad my folks are coming to have dinner with me at my house.  I'm also pretty excited about getting some rest.  I'm praying for the ability to see the silver lining in the events of the past two days and the drama I'm about to encounter with my sister.  Help me pray.

--- Addition ---

It is now nearly 6:00 pm, my parents just got here and shared some news; my dad has cancer again.  Where is the silver lining?  Where?  Help me.

OH NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Someone, please put a stop to the madness that is called Sleigh Bells!!  And SNL, shame on you for scheduling them on one of the best episodes of your entire season.

I'm So

TIRED!!!  I took 21 students to the opera last night and didn't get to bed until after midnight.  Several of the kids at school are sick, so my state of weakness set against the bugs going around is making me more and more nervous.  I'm going home after school, taking some extra vitamins and going to bed.  At least for a decent nap.

We saw Cosi last night at the Asheville Lyric.  It was a pretty good performance.  The lead soprano and mezzo were great, the supporting soprano was great (very funny) and the baritone was great.  I've never cared much for tenors and the other baritone was irritating.  I've never heard a "pro" opera singer with no squillo... at all.  The kids (who had never even been to an opera before) commented on how it sounded like his voice was stuck inside his head or behind his tongue or something.  I've also heard from the other cast members that he is no fun to work with and a real prima donna.  That's just not good.

I think the kids enjoyed it though.  At least, for the most part.  They said that they thought it got a little slow from time to time, but that it was still really funny and the singing was good.  I'm just doing whatever I can to get a little culture into these kids' lives before they leave and hopefully they will appreciate it one day.

My cabaret is tomorrow night and I just don't want to do it.  I'm so tired, just the thought of having to do it makes me want to kill myself.  It will be over soon though - I just need rest and something to eat. 

Money

Why do I not have any when I am constantly working?  I know that money would not make me happy, but I can guarantee that it would lighten my load by way of no longer having to worry about how I'm going to pay bills or eat.

I'm exhausted.  I took my kids to Lee for honor choir this weekend and I still haven't had any rest. 

My cabaret is Friday... and we're not really ready.

I'm really hungry.

Here is a couple pictures from our weekend.  The kids were great and I think they had a great time.

NO TIME!!!

I have so much to do today, and I have no idea how I'm going to get it done.  Here is my list:

- Create word search to leave for classes tomorrow... check.
- Print word search when band teacher gets here
- first period: review music, begin new music
- second period: prepare for honor choir
- planning: walk and feed dog, find lunch, try and get copy made of house key, make sure someone can
     check on dog tomorrow, put plans together to leave for substitute teacher
- fourth period: review Baroque vocal music and begin teaching Baroque instrumental music
- right after school: tenor sectional that must be completed by 4:00 or 4:15
- 4:15 return to house and wait for friend to show up so we can pick up rental car for honor choir trip
- pick up rental car
- be downtown Hendersonville before shops close at 5:00 to get stuff to make a gift basket for host family
- dinner at some point
- CLEAN HOUSE
- DO LAUNDRY
- pack for honor choir trip
- try to get some sleep because I have to be at the school at 3:30 am on Friday morning... that's right, 3:30 AM!!

There is only one check so far.

I will be worn out and completely stressed before fourth period today.  Yay.

New Levels of Spoilage

So, I had a student actually pitch a tantrum in my classroom today.  A senior, no less.  I was assigning dresses to my girls who are going to Lee for Honor Choir and when I gave her her dress, she complained that the size was a Long instead of Regular.  I told her not to worry that it had been hemmed.  She then began a rant on how she, as a senior who has been in chorus since her freshman year, deserved the dress she wanted (which is identical to the one I handed her) instead of a freshman getting the dress first.  I tried to explain that the dresses were identical and she insisted that because she was holding a long size (even though it had been hemmed to fit someone exactly her height) she would be tripping over the dress and she was not comfortable with that.  She said that she had worn a regular size since her freshman year and it was the perfect length and didn't even have to have it hemmed and it was now unfair for her to get something new and a freshman get the older, unhemmed version.  After listening to her complain for a bout ten minutes, I explained to her that I was neither her mother or her father and it was not okay to speak to me this way.  Then I explained that I would refuse to take a person who acts like a five-year-old on any trip.  I also explained that I didn't care who she was or how long she had been anywhere and that if I assigned her a dress that has a train that goes all the way down the hall, that's the dress she would wear.  Then I had her bring me the dress I gave her and the dress she wanted... I took out the tape measure and proved to her that the dress she wanted was actually longer than the dress I gave her.  She said "oh..." and took the dress back to her car.

I HATE some of these kids sometimes, but I LOVE being right.

Weird.

There have only been a handful of times in my entire life that I have had dreams that were so vivid that I still remember them.  This past week I had two of those dreams and they happened on two consecutive nights.  Here we go:

On Thursday night of last week I had a dream that I was at Nina Hinson's house having a voice lesson.  I was nervous and excited and ready to learn from her.  All the sudden, there was this other baritone standing there and the piano began to play.  I glanced down and saw the he was going to sing something from Samson I believe and Nina just asked me to listen to him.  He sucked...  then I sang the melismatic passages with him and was much better than him (and a little bit better than I am in real life).  Then Nina kept asking me to listen to other baritones sing.  Finally, she had a video she wanted me to watch of another baritone, but she couldn't get her TV to work properly.  Then I found myself being pawned off on a guy that was supposed to help me learn to improvise vocal jazz.  Then I realized that the entire Desert Chorale was standing around me (although I didn't recognize any of them) improvising the most wonderful jazz choral piece only by looking at lead sheets.  They were giving me funny looks because I couldn't do it.  For whatever reason, were then all given gloves to wear and I started to put mine on when I started to become very angry.  I was there to take a lesson with Nina and all she kept asking me to do ws listen to other people sing (and she also told me that improvising was not at all liked by the people I needed to be singing for - she was referring to my pop and gospel singing style) and now I was being expected to improvise a jazz choral number and couldn't.  I ripped of the gloves, said I was finished and turned to leave and that's when I woke up.

The next night I had a dream that I and my best friend (whom I had never seen before, but knew she was my best friend) were at a dinner party.  The guy hosting seemed nice, but we could tell he was hiding something.  He just wasn't right.  Then my friend went into the host's bathroom and found some sort of evidence that proved that he was holding children hostage and/or hurting them.  As she was bragging about how she had found this evidence, another friend was commenting that she was being too loud, but this didn't stop best friend from talking.  In fact, she was saying that she wasn't afraid and she was going to get something done about this problem.  Then I noticed that the host had tried to hide a small hand gun under a bar towel he was holding.  I told my friend that we really needed to get out of there before he caught on and before he started shooting.  Well, we didn't get out soon enough - the host realized we knew the truth and he started shooting.  I ran out the front door and he hit me once or twice in the back.  I got kind of far out in the yard and next to a tree where two ladies were sitting.  I slid down in the grass behind their chairs and the host was still shooting.  He shot both of the ladies and I got up and was going to run a different direction.  However, he saw me and cursed because he thought he had taken care of me.  As I ran, he caught up and I remember asking "how many rounds does this little gun have?" because he shot me in the back what felt like twenty-something times, but it didn't seem to be going all the way through me.  I realized I was wearing an old leather vest that I had when I was in middle school and I ran towards the house to where my mother and someone else were sitting.  I showed my mom my back and asked her if it was bad and tried to get her to help me.  She looked at my back and began sobbing and I remember feeling a ton of blood on my back.  Then I woke up.

I have no idea what made me have these dreams, but I can still see the images in my head and I felt really strange when I woke up each time.

Decision:

I am going to start being as selfish as everyone around me from this point forward.  I am only going to do things that directly benefit either me or my classroom, and nothing more. 

I'm sick of decisions being made around here depending on how any one prima donna or idiot feels in that particular moment.

I'm tired of being a team player when no one else seems to give a crap about me in return.

I'm tired of being considered last.

I'm tired of being blamed for other teachers' lack of positive attention and often times, their own ineptitude.

So, as a result, I have decided to accept another gig with Spire in Kansas City.  I will be joining them in March for a few days of rehearsal and a concert and suddenly I don't feel the slightest bit bad about it.  I'm actually proud of the fact that I am one of only maybe a handful of public educators  in our entire county (maybe even in western North Carolina) that has a real life, active, professional life beyond the walls of my classroom.  I know I'm the only chorus teacher that performs at the professional level.  I think it's time I give myself a pat on the back for once... while I am not the best and have tons of things still to learn, I'm still pretty good at what I do and it's not very often that I hear that from anyone else or even myself.  I enjoy being the teacher that the other choir teachers seem to whisper about when I step into a room.  I enjoy the fact that when it's my turn to stand up and rehearse an ensemble, those same teachers make comments under their breath about what I'm doing and how they knew to do it themselves (even though they didn't when they were given the opportunity and the students had to come pull me out of another rehearsal to come fix the mess these teachers were making, true story)- and most of the time it's because I'm the only one in the room that can answer the kids' questions.  The rest of the time it's because it's my kids correcting the other teachers (which I LOVE most of all).  Don't worry, I always ask my kids to be as polite as possible if they feel the need to address any issue or mistake.  It's how I run my rehearsals - if I make a mistake and the kids recognize it, I give them freedom to raise their hands and address it... it makes me aware that they are actually paying attention.  Oh, and the other thing I really enjoy is when students I've never met from other schools start passing their own teachers up to ask me questions about the music we're rehearsing.  You can almost hear the whistling sound of a boiling tea kettle coming from the other teachers' ears.

So, a little more me from now on and a little less everyone else.  I need to stop giving a crap how awful other people are and focus on how great my students can be, how much fun I get to have with them and how much fun I get to have in my own musical life outside of school.

Ugh

That's how I feel today.  The day started fine; I got up, got ready and had my cup of coffee and even made it to school a little earlier than usual.  Then, I had to put up with some kids nearly beating down the door to my hall.  When I asked them to stop, all I got was lip and how they will knock on any door they want to knock on.  There is  no point in sending them to the office... these same boys also got away with dumping a deer carcass on campus as a joke.  Yep, those are the kind of kids that go to my school.  Awesome.  Then, out of 13 students going on the Lee Honor Choir trip, only two of them brought me blank CDRs so that I could record their practice CDs for them.  So I told them to come see me at the end of the day, I went to the store during my lunch/planning period to pick up some CDs, came back, recorded all of their CDs and only one of them actually came by to pick it up.

It's not been a really bad day, but it's not been great either.  I just feel... blah.  I'm tired, irritated and hungry.

Food and a glass of wine, anyone?

Today

Today was better than yesterday.  Yesterday was just strange - my emotions were all over the place and I couldn't really focus on anything positive.  If I began thinking about anything good, I would immediately find a way to drown it in negativity.  I am a firm believer that men have a cycle very similar to that of women, only without the physical symptoms and yesterday would have been the center of that particular storm for me.

Today I was back at work, busy and distracted.  I'm honestly a little overwhelmed with work.  I now have eight school days to teach my kids 11 new pieces before we head to TN for honor choir at Lee.  Most of the music should be fairly quick to learn, but there are two or three that are just completely ridiculous... and some of the kids going are new to choral music.  I do firmly believe however that my students will be among the best prepared in attendance.  They have been the past two years and I have made it clear that our reputation in this respect is very important.  Not to mention the fact that I will be parading my students in front of the people who taught me how to do what I do.  No pressure, right?  Right.  That is why I spent all day Saturday recording rehearsal CDs for the kids to use at home.  That's right, I went through every piece (including two other pieces we will be taking to contest) part by part and recorded individual lines.  Then, I was even kind enough to find recordings of every piece in the folder (with the exception of three and that is only because they are so new, they have only been recorded as samples and the recordings are not available for purchase).  Between classroom rehearsals and being required to spend at least two hours a week at home in personal practice (and yes, they will be keeping practice logs), the kids really have no excuses for not being able to learn this music.  Therefore, if they can't learn it, they are either completely lazy, really stupid or I really suck at teaching.

Tonight I'm meeting some friends for dinner at Papas and Beer (the best Mexican food in Hendersonville) and then we are joining the rest of our friends to mindlessly watch The Bachelor.  The drama on that show this season has been over the top which is making it even more ridiculous than it ever has been... we think that it will soon be hosted by Jerry Springer.  Anyway, we get to yell at the screen and make fun of the idiots on the show.  In other words, all the things we wish we could say to our students, we get to get out of our systems together.  It's a free form of therapy and we enjoy every minute of it.

Now, off to the kitchen to get the dishes out of the sink before people see how messy I actually am.

Oh... By the way.  I had a new chorus student audition for our cabaret today.  She sang "Hurt," recorded by Christina Aguilera.  To my surprise, she was a pretty close second to Christina.  I love it when kids shock me with talent.  LOVE IT!!!!  She just needs to work on her head voice... enter me, stage right.

One More Try

I think this will be the last time I attempt a blog.  I've tried before with very little success, but it's worth one more shot I think.

My first entry is not very pleasant, but I need to get it off my chest.

To whom it may concern,
WHY AM I NOT OVER YOU YET?! It's been five or six years since I've even seen you and I found myself thinking about you today. I was wondering what if we had actually worked out and then I was remembering the crap that made me finally cut you out altogether.

On the outside I'm hoping you're well and happy, but on the inside I hope you hurt as much as me. I don't care if that makes me as horrible a person as I think it does - it's just how I feel.

I'm so tired of this,
me

That feels better.  Here's to moving on and finding people worth my time!