that when you think things are going better and looking up, you are slapped in the face with the reality that nothing has changed? I'm broke - I can't afford the general cost of living because I am in one of the few professions in which you work and work and work and get NO pay raise. I'm being paid as a beginning teacher and this is the end of four and a half years. That means I can't even afford to start repaying the loans I had to take out to get the eduction that I was told was going to help me have a good career and make decent money. On top of that, at school, I am constantly reminded that for the most part my students will never rise above being common, trashy, lazy and stupid because they are not expected to by anyone other than me. They don't have to show up to school because all of their absences are just forgiven like wiping a marker board clean. We are not even allowed to count them tardy in the attendance book. They don't have to pass tests or make good grades because in the case of more than one senior who has taken my music appreciation class and failed horribly, grades were changed without my say so they could walk. I guess if we don't prepare them , we need to just push them out and get them out of our hair... so they can start cooking the food we eat out or any number of menial services we will eventually have to rely on.
This awful realization has always been there in the back of my mind, but it was brought right back to the front last night. We had an underclassmen awards ceremony last night. My advanced group was asked to sing the Alma Mater and the National Anthem, so we met early to rehearse before the ceremony began. Three of my ADVANCED STUDENTS showed up with some of their uniforms missing. They laughed because they thought it was funny. I, in turn, made everyone take off what those three were missing. They didn't like that so they stopped giggling. They then began to complain that we were going to actually be holding them accountable for their trashy behavior at graduation and did nothing but turn into trailer trash before my very eyes. After the ceremony was finished, I walked into my room to realize that those stupid kids had left an ungodly mess and even left a carton of milk just sitting on my table. WHO DOES THAT?!
So, on to the ceremony itself. A lot of teachers don't even give awards to underclassmen, but I did. I wanted to recognize the achievement of three students who have seemingly come a long way for me this semester. I get up, begin to say wonderful things about a sophomore and why it was I selected her to receive this award, and when I say her name to come to the stage, she isn't there. Didn't even bother to come. So, I shrug and move on to the next. I had even more glowing and wonderful things to say about this student (who otherwise has the reputation of being a complete loser that neither her peers nor most of her teachers respect very much) and when I said her name, there were crickets. She also didn't come to the ceremony. So, I had to move on to the third student. I talked about how great she was and how much she has done for the program (and she had actually just sang on stage with my advanced group at the beginning of the evening) and when I called her name... SHE WASN'T THERE. I'm so sick of kids who are so unmotivated and so self involved that they can't even show up to a formal event to receive recognition in a positive light for once. I will not be giving out any more awards.
Of course after that, lots of other stupid little things kept happening to just add to the problem and I'm in quite a state this morning. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be around these stupid kids anymore. I don't want to see my "colleagues." I want to start over and I don't get to.
I hope none of these kids come to school tomorrow. I would love to spend my last day in peace.
No comments:
Post a Comment